The Apology

Let’s face it: people are bad at giving genuine apologies.

In fact, being unapologetic is a virtue in our country. What else would explain the existence of “these colors don’t run” t-shirts or why “sorry not sorry” made it to the Cambridge English dictionary?

Our world is filled with people who refuse to take accountability for the harm that they create. Can you remember the last time you saw a prominent figure give an authentic apology? Or when you did?

These are the same adults who are teaching their kids to apologize for their misdeeds, usually relying on some form of coercion because kids are even worse than adults at understanding the impact of their actions on others.

As a teaching artist who works with young students in public schools, I am sometimes on the receiving end of these apologies, and they come in the form of The Apology Note.

Clearly coaxed by their teacher as a form of punishment, these notes are filled with weird drawings, charmingly misspelled words and humorous kid logic.

And they are utterly delightful.

I recently taught a class of misbehaving 2nd graders that could only be described as pure chaos. They were kicking off their shoes, shaking their booties, not listening to my many calls for quiet and enjoying wild laughter at my expense. The class crashed and burned and the next time I saw them, their teacher solemnly handed me a stack of apology notes.

They were all gems, but here are my top 5:

I appreciate this kids’ self awareness. He understood that his rowdy behavior was the result of having so much fun in my class and getting “too much enerjee.” Can’t be mad when they weave a compliment into the apology.

This is a solid apology. He doesn’t deflect. He clearly names the offenses, uses “I” statements, promises to do better and asks for forgiveness. I feel his genuine remorse. He did make some big promises that I don’t know if he can deliver, but I’ll forgive him because his spelling was (nearly) impeccable.

This kid was the rowdy ringleader. I love how he starts with an apology but finishes by admitting that it made him “happy a little bit” to do it. The honesty is refreshing and I can empathize with his motivations.

Thank you Elisabeth for not giving me hands, but remembering to get my foot tambourine and making my hat look like a jellybean.

“We tried our best but some people just felt a little cray-cray.”

Nuff said.

Illegible as it is, at the end of the note the student says: “I will like to ask you about the punishment — I want you to give me one.” I’ve definitely never had a kid ask me to give him a punishment, and it kinda creeped me out. If he was using reverse psychology, it definitely worked ’cause this kid is definitely not getting a punishment.